Writing the Perfect Valentine Message
Ah, Valentine’s Day…a holiday set aside to honor our loved ones, mainly through the giving of cards with
inspirational messages like “I Choo-Choo Choose You” or “Let’s Bee Friends.” You can, of course, buy a
Valentine for your Valentine. However, an expression of true devotion to your love comes in writing your
Impossible, you say?
Nay! This handout will help you pen a proper missive to your Valentine.
I Love You, Poppin’ Fresh!
If your love note is going to be a formulaic piece of claptrap like “Happy Valentine’s Day” or “I Love You,”
then go over to Dollar General and buy five hundred cards for two dollars. A homemade Valentine should
be unique, perhaps incorporating personal jokes or inside references to the recipient.
So Long, Rejects!
Newsflash: We’ve heard every possible permutation of “Roses are red, violets are blue” in a Valentine.
Don’t put it in yours. (The same thing applies to those slogans on the little candied hearts.) Write
I Love You Like I Love Fresca.
Who are you writing this for? Your best friend? Your hot boyfriend? A family member? Know your
audience, including what would be appropriate (or inappropriate) for that person. Tailor the message to
the relationship you have with the recipient.
It’s Funny Because They’re Monkeys!
A hand-made Valentine is the perfect opportunity to show off your wit. It’s also the perfect opportunity
to break with convention. Make your Valentine in a funny or unusual shape, incorporate a truly funny
rhyme…. Do something to make it stand out.
That’d Be Like Going to an Air Show and Leaving Before the Plane Crash!
Common sense tip #2,469: Do not use a Valentine to communicate important personal information, such
as declaring your secret love for your best friend or breaking up with your significant other. These are
rhetorical situations best left for other genres.
I Offer You Complete and Utter Dependence
Our final reminder is not to go too far in declaring your undying love to your Valentine. Sending your
girlfriend twenty Valentines on one day…creepy. Taking the 23
Psalm and replacing “God” with your
boyfriend’s name…also creepy.